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Grooming occurs when a perpetrator builds a relationship with a child in order to gain trust. This process makes it difficult for the child to escape the abuse or disclose what is happening, as they may feel loyalty to the abuser or even believe the abuse is their fault. In some cases, the abuser also uses power or authority as a tool of control. Recognizing the warning signs of grooming is critical. Once a child has been groomed, they may internalize the abuse as their own fault, greatly reducing the likelihood of disclosure.

Common signs of grooming include:

• Buying the child gifts or giving them money
• Finding excuses for one-on-one time with the child
• Treating the child as “special” compared to other children
• Viewing the child nude or exposing the child to nudity or pornography
• Excessive touching or inappropriate physical contact
• Talking about sexual activity with the child

Abusers often create a deliberate plan to manipulate both the child and their family. Through this grooming process, the abuser builds trust and gradually gains access to one-on-one time with the child. Once grooming is complete, it becomes increasingly difficult for the child to escape the abuse or feel safe disclosing what is happening. The grooming fosters a false sense of loyalty from the child to the abuser. In fact, in approximately 97% of abuse cases, the child knew and trusted their abuser.

Abusers often manipulate children into keeping abuse a secret. Children may feel powerless to disclose what is happening because the abuser gives them many reasons not to tell.

Some common reasons a child might not disclose abuse include:

• The abuser is a trusted family member or friend, and the child believes no one will believe them
• Feelings of shame or embarrassment
• Threats made by the abuser toward the child or their family
• The child feels responsible because the abuser blames them and they fear getting in trouble
• The abuser bribes the child with gifts or favors
• The child has positive feelings toward the abuser and does not want them to get in trouble

Some potential signs of abuse in children include:

• Acting out sexually or behaviorally
• Developing venereal diseases or other infections
• Experiencing frequent fears, anxieties, or nightmares
• Showing signs of poor self-esteem or depression

In adolescents, additional warning signs may include:

• Running away, committing crimes, or abusing drugs and alcohol
• Becoming withdrawn or severely depressed
• Engaging in self-injury or expressing suicidal thoughts

It is important to remember that many children and adolescents show no outward symptoms—over one-third of confirmed abuse cases present without clear signs. Because of this, prevention and education are vital. Talk with your children about the difference between “welcome” and “unwelcome” touches. Empower them to say “no” and to know how to respond in uncomfortable situations. Encourage them to tell you—or another trusted adult—if someone makes them feel unsafe. Even if symptoms are not visible, creating open dialogue gives your child the opportunity to speak up, which can make all the difference in preventing and addressing abuse.

Children rarely lie about abuse. Research shows that only 2%–8% of allegations are false, meaning the overwhelming majority are true. As a parent, it is critical to believe your child. In some cases, questions of a child’s credibility may arise during court proceedings involving divorce or child custody; however, that should never prevent you from taking your child seriously. Always believe your child and take the next step by reporting the abuse.